THE FINAL WORD ON PAYAM TAMIZ

We’ve all said or done things in the past that we regret. The problem with Facebook or social networking websites is that these past mistakes end up being blown out of proportion or taken out of context, particularly things we’ve written quite frivolously or churned out in exasperation. I do sometimes fear for teenagers these days who tweet everything about their whole lives and don’t think about the impact this could have on their futures.

I too have got into trouble for running my mouth off at times. A friend's girlfriend blocked and deleted me from Facebook simply because she couldn’t handle my irreverent sense of humour. She once said I was “painfully middle-class” for using the word ‘chav.’ She also tried to imply I was mocking those who suffer from dyslexia by trying to correct somebody’s spelling mistake. Those are all accusations which I completely disagree with.

But my point is, I’m no saint. I’m only human. I too have paid the price for being misunderstood. But I’d like to think that I am quite a well-intentioned sort of chap. I don’t take life too seriously, I try to remain relatively upbeat despite life’s slings and arrows, and I always treat others how I myself would like to be treated. This doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m not prone to occasionally voice opinions which others might take umbrage with, especially if I am merely being flippant.

I once wrote a song called “Dreamland (Ode to Margate)” which bagged me some coverage on Eastcliff Richard’s blog a few years ago. Since I’m a big fan of satirical comedy and was very inspired by Ray Davies's wry social observations in The Kinks, my attempt was to write amusing lyrics which captured what I felt people would recognize as being a tongue-in-cheek swipe at Margate. All I was aiming to do was write a humorous song with lyrics of cartoon-ish social commentary which resonated with people.

Here’s a brief snippet of what I came up with:

"We idolise pussycat dolls and WAGS,

binge drinkers and thugs and dirty slags,

and the junkies peddle drugs because no-one gives a monkeys."

I also included the following lyrical flourish:

"It’s time for a jolly good night out,

We’ll have a scrap with the yobs, eat a doner kebab

And watch slappers & tarts parade along the seafront."

Now, does that make me sexist? I sincerely hope not. It was satire. Misanthropy is a key ingredient of satire and I’d like to think that people could only be amused by those lyrics. Political incorrectness is not a crime and making those lyrical generalisations was the only way I made the song funny to outside ears. 

“Dreamland (Ode to Margate)” was essentially a musical caricature – it attempted to put across a mildly exaggerated vision of how people perceive Margate, kind of like those naughty seaside postcards – created by myself in order to make people laugh. If somebody tried to argue that writing those lyrics for “Dreamland (Ode to Margate)” makes me a sexist then I would be very annoyed. People might as well argue that Mark Twain was a racist for using the n-word, or that Vladimir Nabokov was a paedophile for writing a novel about a sexually active 12-year-old girl. 

Some may suggest that Payam’s ‘Thanet girls are slags’ remark and my lyrical quip about Margate's ‘binge drinkers and thugs and dirty slags’ are describing a similar social phenomena, but I think my motive was very different from his. I was making a joke for the purposes of satirising people's perceptions. If that makes me a sexist, then clearly people are overanalysing things. It’s ridiculous that people should be pilloried for being perceived to hold a controversial point of view. Context is everything.

For that reason, I do feel Payam Tamiz made the right decision to resign from the Conservative Party, but only because I could see no evidence that those ‘sexist remarks’ of his had a humorous context or undertone. He was certainly not joking – his opinion was rude and offensive in a rather narrow-sighted and witless way, and he could definitely have phrased his argument more intelligently and in a less patronising manner. I certainly would’ve expected more from a guy who passed his GCSEs at aged 13. Let’s face it, if you’re running for public office, a bit more tact is certainly required when describing your prospective constituents. However, there’s certainly no need to kick a man while he’s down. I wish Payam all the best for the future – he’s still very young, so I’m sure he’s got a good career waiting for him in law, in any case.

Thank goodness I’m not running to be a councillor, that’s all I can say. Otherwise they might have dug up that song and labeled me a sexist next, which would've been a ridiculous thing to accuse me of considering I’ve been in a very happy relationship for the last six years. If I was a sexist, I’m sure she would have told me by now!

EATING HUMBLE PAYAM

The Tory candidate for Salmestone Ward in this year’s local elections, Payam Tamiz, has been forced to resign from the Conservative Party after it was discovered he’d made derogatory comments about women on Facebook, according to the Evening Standard.

The bombshell comes after it was alleged that Payam, 21, was a member of a Facebook group called "Girls in THANET ... you are all slags, hoes, brasses and bheads." Payam also wrote a Facebook status which says:

Wow. I actually live in Salmestone Ward, so this is quite a scandal. What a bombshell. Whether Payam Tamiz’s behaviour has the potential to derail the local Conservative campaign for re-election,  or whether Tamiz will continue to stand as an independent candidate, is yet to be seen.

In the meantime, a spokesman from the Conservative Party has confirmed Payam Tamiz's resignation in the Evening Standard and said: "We consider the language he used outrageous and unacceptable." Some might say Payam’s resignation is a fine example showing the perils of social networking. Well, I disagree. The only peril here is that of making witlessly ignorant and sexist remarks on the Internet.

However, it's worth noting that Payam did write a quick blurb on his Facebook profile saying: “I can come across as blunt and rude but that's just me!” Well, if nothing else, he can’t say he didn’t warn them!

NOTE: Much kudos goes to Will Scobie for all the hard work he's done in finding all of this information out.

WHAT A RUBBISH MORNING

I had an unfortunate encounter with the binmen this morning. In the past, I’d been full of nothing but praise for the council’s refuse collection service, especially after all the plaudits they deservedly received for collecting the rubbish so successfully in poor weather conditions during the winter. However, this morning’s incident has led me to complain to Thanet Council about the rude and impersonal conduct of their binmen. Using TDC's online complaints service, here’s what I said:

Due to an innocent error on my part, I forgot to put the bins out on Sunday night, and only remembered at 6:30 in the morning when I heard the rubbish van rumbling down the far end of my road.

Since I thought I still had time to put the bins out, I quickly ran downstairs and bagged everything up. When I got to my front door, I noticed that the rubbish van was now parked right outside my house. The binmen only appeared to be doing the opposite side of the road, rolling all the wheelie bins up to the van, and all the rubbish bags had already been collected on my side of the road.

One of the binmen was only a stone’s throw away from me, so I waved at him and he did notice me, but he deliberately ignored the fact that I had bin bags in my hands. I watched them for a brief while, until the rubbish van drove along further down the road, so I thought I'd better take matters into my own hands.

I carried the bin bags and walked down the road towards the rubbish van and took them towards the binman who was wheeling the bins (the one who had ignored me) and he said, ‘I’m not allowed to put rubbish in the van, I just wheel the bins’ (or implied words to that effect). In any case, his demeanour suggested to me that he wasn’t allowed to take my rubbish, or that I was too late.

So I spoke to the other binman on duty, and he sneered at me and said sarcastically ‘Where were you at six o’clock in the morning? We’re not supposed to take rubbish if you’re too late’ (once again, this is paraphrasing, I can’t remember the exact exchange word-for-word).

But my point is, both of them seemed very unhelpful and unwilling to make an exception to take my rubbish bags, and both binmen came across like ignorant jobsworths, until one of them said, ‘Go on then, put it in yourself.’ So in the end, I had to throw my rubbish bags in the back of the rubbish van myself, which probably flouts all those beloved ‘health and safety regs’ under the sun, but they didn’t seem to care about that.

They were downright rude, and I couldn’t believe how unmannerly and indifferent your binmen were. I thought I’d complain because the fact that they knowingly ignored the fact that I had bin bags, even after I’d waved at them, shows an uncouth streak which I don’t expect of those running a public service.

If your binmen had been only a little bit more helpful, I could’ve let it go, but I was surprised by their lack of candour. I am, however, willing to accept my share of the blame. After all, I did forget it was bin day, but it was an innocent mistake.

However, the very least I expect of binmen is to be courteous and not the brash and uncongenial chaps I encountered.

I’m aware that they did have jobs to do, so they can hardly go backtracking for rubbish, but I had made a concerted effort to make up for my forgetfulness by signalling my presence and taking my rubbish bags directly to them. I didn’t expect to have to do their job for them, by throwing the bags in myself! If you think about it, it’s the equivalent of politely asking a shopkeeper to show you where a product is and being rudely refused point blank.

I suggest you make sure that your binmen act with a bit more tact and at least be a bit more civil and cooperative when they encounter members of the public next time – after all, they are the face of public services on the ground.

Now I know what you’re thinking. You’re probably thinking I’m nit-picking. So what if I forgot to put the bins out, right? If they didn’t want to collect my bin bags, then that’s just hard cheese, eh? If you snooze, you lose. But that’s not the point. Council tax money goes towards paying the salaries of those refuse collectors so I’m entitled to be a bit disappointed and unimpressed by this experience. As good a job as our binmen clearly do, good manners certainly wouldn’t go a miss, don't you agree?

ALL SYSTEMS TESCO

Image from http://thanetpress.blogspot.com 

Back in February, Freshwater submitted their plans to build a new Tesco superstore next to Arlington House, much to the annoyance - I imagine - of their Residents Association who have been quite vocal in their opposition to it. However, I've come across some information which may be of some comfort to them. In fact, it may even eliminate some of their concerns.

In a podcast for Little Atoms on December 5th 2010 (download it here), the esteemed if slightly controversial British architect Will Alsop OBE spoke at length about the subject of urban renaissance and said some very interesting things which may have some relevance to the people of Arlington House.

"I think Tescos are rather evil actually. I really mean it - they make all sorts of promises to all sorts of towns, not just to build shops, of course, that's their prime interest, but they'll do things like build a new police station, a new school, and they never do it.

"I've come to the conclusion that the reason they don't do it is all they're doing is stringing out this thing for a long period of time, to stop Asda going there, or somebody else. West Bromwich is one example of that, where nothing's been delivered."

Could Will Alsop's comments imply that despite the recent planning application we may not actually see a Tesco store being built after all? Is this whole planning application thing by Freshwater - as Mr. Alsop suggests - a calculated ruse done on behalf of Tesco to ward off the superstore's competitors? I mean, let's face it, there are striking parallels between what Will Alsop has said and what the people of Arlington House have been promised.

After all, Thanet Council's press release makes it clear that there will be improvements to Arlington House "including new windows, repairing and treating concrete panels, new lighting and a roof canopy on top of the building." In addition to this, the planning application also promises that they may build "new shops, cafes, restaurants or bars, with a hotel above" in Arlington Square and they may even create a "community facility such as a doctor's surgery."

So, will these promises by Freshwater - if they are, indeed, working on behalf of Tesco - actually bear fruit? Will their grand artistic impression of Arlington House actually become a reality? Needless to say, I'm sure many residents of Arlington House would rather see the whole project shelved but judging by what Will Alsop has said - a much-lauded architect with an OBE, remember - it may not actually see the light of day. Maybe we shouldn't worry about it too much. Let's just wait and see what happens.